I know this, and yet it can feel like just because I'm seeing other people manage to fit things into their schedule that I'm not doing, I should be able to do these things, too. Choosing my "anything" gives me the freedom to let go of the "everything"s that quickly pile up.Įveryone has unique "anythings" - or different things they choose to prioritize. Or I am choosing to leave some dishes in the sink so I can read my daughters an extra chapter at bedtime. It reminds me to reframe what I previously saw as "failings" as morally neutral choices - I am choosing to skip the laundry today so I can make a dinner that includes a vegetable. "You can do anything, but not everything" is the perfect mantra to repeat when my brain veers down the mom-guilt path. This advice helped me reorganize my priorities Time is finite, so what I can accomplish is also finite. I could work out, or I could spend 20 minutes drawing a cute picture to put in my kids' lunch boxes, but I can't always do both in one day. So when the therapist shared this nugget of wisdom, I felt a sense of relief as I realized the same philosophy holds true for just about every aspect of parenthood: I could make a homemade dinner, or my kids could have matching socks.
I should read all the emails the school sends and snuggle with my kids each night instead of giving quick kisses and flashing the peace sign as I bolt out of the room.
I should encourage them to try new foods by describing the texture and taste instead of letting them subsist on their preferred diet of chicken nuggets for every meal. Yes, my children should brush their teeth twice a day. Of course, I'd love to do everything the dentist, doctor, dermatologist, and meditation teacher recommend, but it just doesn't seem possible and leaves me feeling inadequate.Īnd parenthood? Well, parenthood includes perhaps the largest list of shoulds. Shitty Daria has always ruled the roost, with snide remarks and unachievable checklists ringing in my head. The voice even has a name: "Shitty Daria," which I'd come up with in my writing class. I've spent my life guided by a critical voice that always expected perfectionism. While I was able to laugh about it, this was a deep source of annoyance for me. Just a week earlier, I was laughing with my group of mom friends about how I could floss regularly or put on sunscreen daily, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't consistently do both. One of the therapists leading the group shared hers: "You can do anything, but not everything." I attended a group therapy session that began with everyone sharing the best piece of advice they had ever heard. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
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